March 11, 2013
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BEST COMMENT EVER
The Joel Osteen Magic Bible Spell
I made a nasty comment about Joel Osteen over on @trunthepaige blog. Paige's response was to quote the Osteen Magic Bible Spell. To cast the spell you take a Bible of your choice, KJV has the most mojo, so if you want the very best result from the Magic Bible Spell you have to go old school. You take the Bible into your right hand, hold it high above your head, and recite:
"This is my Bible: I am what it says I am; I have what it says I have; I can do what it says I can do. Today, I will be taught the Word of God"
And I got to thinking...Would the Osteen Magic Bible Spell work with any other kind of literature? Would the great Osteen Magic Bible Spell work if we substituted... say... pornography?
"This is my Pornography: I am what it says I am; I have what it says I have; I can do what it says I can do. Today, I will be taught the word of pornography."
TOTALLY WORKED!!! The Osteen Magic Bible Pornography Spell works!
I've decided to let Paige break the news to Osteen. I'm sure, before too long, we'll be seeing a naked Joel Osteen leading the new Osteen Magic Pornography Spell.
Now how about each of you take the Magic Bible Spell and see if it will work with home and garden magazines, how about the Dupont Registry or Forbes??
Comments (17)
@QuantumStorm - OMG!! I can't breath...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHA! I'm laughing too hard...HAHAHAHA!
*Solemnly holds up Chips Ahoy cookie tray*
"This is my Chips Ahoy: I am what it says I am; I have what it says I have; I can do what it says I can do. Today, I will be taught the word of Chips Ahoy."
So, apparently I am chewy, I have real chocolate chip cookies, and I can lift the tab on the resealable package.
To be fair this is pretty accurate.
@QuantumStorm - And the NEW "Best Comment Ever" Award goes to Q.
@Such_are_you - Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week
@QuantumStorm - You know from a distance you're new avatar looks like a big puckered up pair of purple lips. I had to come over to your site to see what it actually was.
@Such_are_you - BEHOLD MY TRUE FORM
@QuantumStorm - BEHOLD YOU'RE TRULY NUTS...
looks around my bed...I don't want to be what any of those the books or items I am surrounded by say I am. I thought about the dollar, but realized it would imply that I was cheap.
@Erika_Steele - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iod4goCORM
The only thing I have nearby is my water. So here goes:
This is my water bottle: I am what it says I am; I have what it says I have; I can do what it says I can do. Today, I will be taught the Word of Aquafina.
I am pure, I have perfect taste, and apparently I do major league baseball teams.
@QuantumStorm - I think you secretly want to be a part of that family.
Ron Jeremy figured this out a long time ago. In fact, the first time he saw a penis pump
I've already been taught that word. . . lol
Oh no please Joel Osteen naked
I have watched his TV sermon's before. For a guy who starts off with everyone holding a bible, he almost never reads out of it. Not much and never in context
I just tried it with my computer monitor. The IT guy just freaked out...I want him to freak out, so it worked perfectly
@Kuai_le1010 - I doubt Ron Jeremy needed the contraption.
Those pictures are easily each worth far more than a thousand words!!!
Jeremiah 10:
14 Every man is stupid and without knowledge;
every goldsmith is put to shame by his idols,
for his images are false,
and there is no breath in them.
15 They are worthless, a work of delusion;
at the time of their punishment they shall perish.