February 10, 2014
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SHALL I TELL YOU?
Been hanging out at church.
i'm STRUGGLING!
I'm not doing too well. That is really a relative admission. I can be going along very well, and then I have a day or even a week that goes bad. I'm so flippin tired, and when I'm tired my attitude always goes wrong. Even as I say that I've got some good things going on.
Wolf Bit: My friend Shawn has been having a terrible time with a wolf who'd been in leadership, at the church he pastors. The things this guy did and said were truly awful. Just when I don't think anything evil people do in the name of God can shock me, and BAM someone kicks the evil up a notch. Honestly this is one of the things I'm most down about. Why does God throw us to wolves? I know that isn't precisely true. All God does is good, but you have to be insane to be in ministry. I don't have any delusions that all who claim to be believers actually love God or want to serve his purposes, ends, and ways. I have to admit I've been pushing away from God's call, and he has been pushing back at me. I'm tempted to say that God is pushing back way to hard, but I am a bear when I start kicking against God. When I kick I aim to harm. Now what was I saying about wolves and evil. When I kick at God I am probably the match for any wolf. I'm no more loving of God than Shawn's wolf was loving of him.
I'm looking for a way out. I don't care about power, I don't want to lead, I don't want to tell the Church to "get on the hook." I worked on the book today, but the more work I put in the more I see the rightness and necessity of God's call and the message. I've been calling the both the call and the message, "THE VALUE ADDED TOUR." Sounds like the name of a rock band's tour, but there''s no band and there won't be a cheering crowd. But giving value is what Jesus came to do. Jesus came to restore the broken relationship between humans and God. God literally takes our brokenness and worthlessness and drops it on Jesus hanging on a cross. And God takes the worth, perfection, beauty, and love of Christ and offers it to us. What God offers should be enough for believers, but we've lost sight and settled for so much less. So many of us, especially American believers, have sold ourselves the delusion that we live in, or have the right to demand that America is a Christian nation. I know we never meant to do it, but our religious version of the "American dream," is just as idolatrous as the American heathen's version of the American dream. I know that reads like an attack but it isn't. What we need is a Holy Spirit revival in the Church. I'm not the Holy Spirit so I'd rather not be thrown to the wolves.
In the past I've been able to hold God and his call off, but the more I write this book the more I realize how real and important the call and the message are. Before the book I could simply chalk up the thoughts as just something going on in my own mind, but when I see the words written on the page I am suddenly terrified. The message is so clear, and so powerful. I know with absolute certainty: I am dog food; wolf fodder; the mouse wearing the vest made of Little Friskies. That doesn't have anything to do with God, his call, or the message. There have always been wolves, Jesus promised they'd come. But Jesus only mentions wolves once, but he talks about the kingdom, the good news, salvation, life, hope, peace and eternal relationship with God. "This then is eternal life: to know the one true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent." (John 16:3). My butt may be made of doggie biscuits, but the message and call lead to greater and deeper relationships with God. Even in my deepest fears and doubts I know that God cannot fail to overcome the world. I'd much prefer a call to hookers and homos, but my call is to the most terrible pack of wolves in the world: religious wolves. I just hope I don't loose too much of my keister.
Comments (4)
It's so discouraging every time I hear about wolves and there seem to be so many of them in ministerial positions. I don't understand it but like you, I have to just continue trusting God. Good luck or rather God bless in continuing writing the book.
The Church has always been a place where humans could exercise power over fellow human beings. I get the attraction, but that is power I honestly have never wanted. I'm passionate about keeping Christ's teachings because the Holy Spirit always leads us to life. Merely Human leadership always leads us to death. With mere human leadership one group of humans will bestow freedoms and great blessings, but later groups of humans will take away the freedoms and blessing given by the first group of humans. One of the things History has always showed about human beings is what one gives another takes away. For this reason it would be best for Christians to begin to abandon the "America is a Christian nation" delusion.
I would never wish my past in homosexuality on any human being, but it gave me a decidedly NOT religious world view. I've never understood how Christians could ever call America a Christian nation. I am sorry to say Christian America only exists in the minds of the religious. The belief in a Christian America has blinded believers to the real needs and responsibilities of those who bear the truth which sets captives free.
First, let me nitpick. lol It is John 17:3. I love the prayer of Jesus in John 17. He prayed that the church would be One and Love each other. Kiss that off--the world wide church has trashed that prayer request of their Lord and Savior.
you seem to have a tough call, but are working on it. I am sure in time you will be proceeding full throttle. My wife has the spiritual gift of showing mercy and she is already emotional by nature--it is a tough gift to exercise. Yours sounds like exhortation, but I do not know.
I love Colossians 2---I shows the total work of Christ on the Cross and it is amazing.
Those who criticize me for not going to church are right in a very minimal way. Christ wants us to be like the church of Acts1--4 where they were in love with Christ and each other and socializing all week as they had opportunity. They were the church--not just going to church.
We moved 20 times in 40 yeas and always went to church--that was God's plan for me---to serve in some messed up churches and just help as best that I could. I did not care about the emphasis on spiritual gifts--I just found out where they needed the help most and served there.
I wish you well.
frank
Frank, not nitpicking. I thank you for the correction, I greatly appreciate your input, so feel free to nitpick if you see the need. I'll respond to the rest of your comment on your site with an RYC.
Grace and peace,
Lonnie